The road to reaching your fitness goals can be lonely sometimes. Especially when that road is a hilly one that you get dropped on by a pack of road riders that hold 20-something miles per hour in 90 degree heat and humidity.
For 8 full weeks now I've been completely mentally and physically invested in training for a 1/2 Ironman that is a mere 3 months away. While that may seem like a long time, 3 months began to feel dauntingly near during training this weekend that left me sweaty, tired, and gasping for air -- and it's only officially summer today! Which meant it dawned on me that I'm only a few pounds lighter, still slow as shit on the run and pretty sure these stumps they call legs attached to my 5'2 frame are eventually going to fly off as I continue to try to keep riding the hills of Tallahassee at a desperate pace with the maniacs on bikes I've been riding with!
A hard week of training concluded on Sunday with 3 hours of training: 2 1/2 hours in the saddle, 38.2 miles, and a 30 minute run that had me dangerously close to puking several times. I spent the rest of the day feeling pretty down and like I'm kidding myself that I'll ever make it to Augusta in September and completing a 1/2 Ironman.
When I get low like this, when I'm beating myself up about my performance, instead of being a miserable negative beast, I've learned to dig into the positive influences -- friends, family, coaches and training partners -- that I have smartly and somewhat luckily been able to surround myself with as I continue this journey. It's a huge step for me to ask for help, get reassurance and keep going rather than throwing in the towel and quitting. In the past that's the route I've chosen and of course it's an easier one.
But sometimes you also need a slightly more jarring reminder of why you do what you do....which is why stumbling upon this Livestrong promo today thanks to a friend's Facebook post, couldn't have been more appropos.
Watching this reminded me why I'm doing this, challenging myself to this extent to do something that I never thought I could do, and frankly, some days still question if I will do.
This helped me remember that I'm not necessarily doing this to be the best or fastest -- as I am sometimes am at fault for beating myself up relentlessly for not being either one! But you gotta just do it! Especially for those who can't, or more aptly put, for those who have a much bigger challenge than getting through a race that you've trained for. There's no training for the race they're enduring, and as someone who's witnessed the battle firsthand, it's a good reminder to ignore that monkey on my back and get off my ass and quit feeling sorry for myself when the going gets tough!!!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Inspiration and motivation
Be inspired...Inspire others...
Not sure who said it but I like it! It's a quote that one of my coaches told me when I was talking with him about all the inspiration I'd encountered over the weekend.
A lot of my inspiration was a result of my participation in Tallahassee's annual Ride for Hope which raises money for the local cancer center. As someone who has experienced a significant amount of loss from the wretched disease, it is one thing I do each year to honor those who have lost their battle to the disease, the tremendous warriors who continue to fight and defeat it and raise money so that not only can we find a cure, but that we ensure that there are advancements in treatment and comfort for those fighting the disease!
Actually when I think about it, sitting in a grueling spin class in DC with my ruthless instructor James (those of you who live in DC and endured one of his classes know exactly what I'm talking about!) was the first time I fathomed doing an endurance event. I remember thinking if I can get through James' class why couldn't I do an endurance event like the upcoming riding from North Carolina to Washington to raise money and awareness for HIV/AIDS. I never ended up signing up for the ride in all my years living there, always saying "next year," but it was sitting sweating it out on that bike, gasping for air but having the ability to endure, that made me first start thinking about challenging myself and pushing my "healthy" body to the limit.
I thought about this a lot on Saturday during a grueling ride that was supposed to be a metric century (100 kilometers or 62 miles) but due to a counting error or inability to make the course work from start to finish without adding extra miles, was 69.7 miles!
There was the Florida heat and humidity to endure, the huge horseflies making lunch out of the legs of a sweaty bike riders who slathered on sunscreen prior to the start of the ride, bugs that hit your face at 20 mph and made a splat noise like you were a windshield, so-called dead zones with no tree coverage, blazing sun, semi-trucks blowing past you and barely moving over, and then there was pelting rain the last few miles, which helped cool you off but limited visibility. And yet through all of this -- around mile 66, at which point my ass had completely become one with the bike seat, I thought I can do this. I am physically able to do this and how amazing is that!?
I thought about my Dad, struggling as cancer took over a once athletic and fit 49 year-old body. Nothing he could do, no energy reserves to draw from, just helplessness as that disease ravaged his body, breaking bones and growing tumors everywhere. I thought about the other people who couldn't physically be out there and how lucky I am to have a healthy body that I can push and train and tell to do things that if I put my mind to it and give my muscles the training and recovery they need, will do it! How could I have wasted any time not using this body that I've been blessed with? A body that at some point may not be capable of doing these things, activities that many others who are sick or physically challenged may only wish and dream they were able to do.
Now, I'm not saying everyone has to pick up and start training for an Ironman, but I do think we've got to respect what physical abilities we've been given and the fact that life is short!
It has been 16 years since I lost my father. He was the most amazing man I have ever known and I cherish the 18 years I was blessed with having him here in my life but as time passes although the pain of losing a parent never goes away, it dissipates and life's distractions certainly take away from the constant reminders.
However, there is one place I have found myself always reconnecting with my father despite the passage of time and that's when I'm training. When I first took up running to lose weight more than ten years ago, it was his hand I imagined on my back, pushing me to keep going. When I'm riding and a bright red cardinal flies across my path I think of him. When I want to quit, I think of how proud he would be if he was there. As I endure I hear the words of encouragement that he shouted as I raced across the length of the pool or the encouragement he would give from behind home plate at every softball game.
Perhaps it is a result of the fact that I'm pretty sure I get my competitive nature from him, but so often I still feel his presence behind me today much like I did all those years ago as a teenager swinging a bat. Whether out on a long bike ride, or during a triathlon or even just running on the trails. He is and always will be my inspiration and the driving force pushing me to just keep going further, faster and harder.
So whether it is a Ride for Hope, or just daily training, a walk in the park, or even playing with your kids, don't forget to respect and treasure the physical abilities you do have and keep your eyes and heart open -- you never know what might inspire you or who you might inspire along the way!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
New Attitude
To quote the effervescent Patti LaBelle, "I've got a new attitude!" (My apologies to those readers who don't recall the 80s!) I don't know if it's the beginning of summer, a long holiday weekend, new coaches or just time, but I am approaching this week with a whole new, seemingly positive attitude.
I found myself with a new spring in my step today, my shoulders back and my head held high. I couldn't figure out at first where this positive outlook was coming from, but I was hesitant to question it too much as it was making me highly spirited, motivated and helped me check things off my to do list like Oprah handing out her giveaways!
On my way to lunch, which consisted of cranking out 2300 meters in the pool and doing some of the coach-prescribed breathing drills which caused me to feel like I may have left a lung behind in the deep end, I contemplated what was up with the new attitude.
Throughout my life I've been blessed with a pretty big crowd of supporters, cheerleaders. All believing in me and expressing to me often that they had faith that I could do whatever I put my mind to. All of these people are in my life for different reasons, some are blood relatives, some are friends from childhood or college and we're stuck with each other because we know where the bodies are buried, and others are friends, neighbors and colleagues I've been lucky enough to acquire over the years. The newest addition to the group are my tri buddies and most importantly my coaches.
However, standing among the crowd there has always been the one or two doubters, always the loudest voice in the crowd to me - a singular voice that inexplicable I always heard and believed. Gymnastic coaches who despite my abilities told me they wouldn't teach me advanced tumbling unless I cut weight, softball coaches who knew I was a consistent homerun hitter but cut me anyway because I couldn't round the bases fast enough, so-called mean girls who will say what they'll say and even the highschool drama teacher who told my mother she'd never give me a lead regardless of my talent because I was just "too fat."
I heard those doubting, judgmental voices and internalized them the most and came to believe them and only see myself as they did. All, despite conquering many personal, physical and even professional hurdles.
My cheerleaders have been telling me for years I have to drop the self-loathing and negative Nancy attitude I adopted to veil the hurt and fear. While, I suppose my oft negative, self-deprecating commentary is partially because I find great humor in self deprecation (mine or anyone else's for that matter), part narcissism and part because there are days where I really don't like myself and every flaw, every imperfection, every failing -- physical, mental and emotional -- all seem glaringly exposed. It's like there is a neon sign stamped across my head for the world to see and it's easier to join the rest of the world in its acknowledgment rather than being in denial. And in my opinion acknowledging your perceived failings is often easier if you're the first, loudest and funniest!
As I took to Facebook recently during one such moment with a status post that was filled with both self-doubt and dripping with poor Pollyanna sentiment, the first to respond was a dear friend and my new tri coach, Coach Murray. He said simply: "Let all your self-talk be positive!"
For months, years actually I've been raking up race numbers, taking on challenging races and events I'd never thought I'd complete 2 years ago. Making a conscious choice not just to challenge myself, but to better myself physically but if I was willing to make the physical and personal sacrifice why wouldn't I also want to be improving my mental training?
This may be the hardest challenge of all for me, but yesterday standing in my kitchen, listening to a great friend tell me she believed in me and demand that I start doing the same for myself as she stood in front of the my fridge peppered with the race numbers (lest I forgot my goals and go for the bag of peanut butter M&Ms buried in the back) I had a moment where I started listening and let this positive voice be the loudest in the crowd.
And it dawned on me, and my mother will read this and say she's been telling me this for years, but I finally said it out loud and it's still hard to write it here: I not only believed the doubters -- I became one of them. If someone said I couldn't do something, I didn't. If someone said I wasn't good enough for something I stopped trying. I even stopped writing at one point because an editor told me I needed better editing, despite the fact that I'm pretty sure that was his job!
Before I completed my first triathlon in 2007, I just quit when things got tough and I believed it when people or even myself told me I wasn't good enough, without even trying! It's taken me 3 years to get to this point, some pretty tough challenges, and even more inspiring and loud cheerleaders in my life -- but I've dug deep and found that spirited little girl again, who despite her chubby thighs and potbelly taught herself to do a roundoff back handspring off the high beam when the coaches said no.
Whether you're thinking about getting off the couch for your first 5k or attempting your first triathlon or just going to a yoga class, whatever the challenge, the monkey on you back, take it from me and my new attitude, do it. Because at the end of the day, it's only you that can let that monkey weigh you down. Or, you can let that monkey be your biggest cheerleader, touting a positive banner bearing a reminder of how far you've come and how far you'll go!
I found myself with a new spring in my step today, my shoulders back and my head held high. I couldn't figure out at first where this positive outlook was coming from, but I was hesitant to question it too much as it was making me highly spirited, motivated and helped me check things off my to do list like Oprah handing out her giveaways!
On my way to lunch, which consisted of cranking out 2300 meters in the pool and doing some of the coach-prescribed breathing drills which caused me to feel like I may have left a lung behind in the deep end, I contemplated what was up with the new attitude.
Throughout my life I've been blessed with a pretty big crowd of supporters, cheerleaders. All believing in me and expressing to me often that they had faith that I could do whatever I put my mind to. All of these people are in my life for different reasons, some are blood relatives, some are friends from childhood or college and we're stuck with each other because we know where the bodies are buried, and others are friends, neighbors and colleagues I've been lucky enough to acquire over the years. The newest addition to the group are my tri buddies and most importantly my coaches.
However, standing among the crowd there has always been the one or two doubters, always the loudest voice in the crowd to me - a singular voice that inexplicable I always heard and believed. Gymnastic coaches who despite my abilities told me they wouldn't teach me advanced tumbling unless I cut weight, softball coaches who knew I was a consistent homerun hitter but cut me anyway because I couldn't round the bases fast enough, so-called mean girls who will say what they'll say and even the highschool drama teacher who told my mother she'd never give me a lead regardless of my talent because I was just "too fat."
I heard those doubting, judgmental voices and internalized them the most and came to believe them and only see myself as they did. All, despite conquering many personal, physical and even professional hurdles.
My cheerleaders have been telling me for years I have to drop the self-loathing and negative Nancy attitude I adopted to veil the hurt and fear. While, I suppose my oft negative, self-deprecating commentary is partially because I find great humor in self deprecation (mine or anyone else's for that matter), part narcissism and part because there are days where I really don't like myself and every flaw, every imperfection, every failing -- physical, mental and emotional -- all seem glaringly exposed. It's like there is a neon sign stamped across my head for the world to see and it's easier to join the rest of the world in its acknowledgment rather than being in denial. And in my opinion acknowledging your perceived failings is often easier if you're the first, loudest and funniest!
As I took to Facebook recently during one such moment with a status post that was filled with both self-doubt and dripping with poor Pollyanna sentiment, the first to respond was a dear friend and my new tri coach, Coach Murray. He said simply: "Let all your self-talk be positive!"
For months, years actually I've been raking up race numbers, taking on challenging races and events I'd never thought I'd complete 2 years ago. Making a conscious choice not just to challenge myself, but to better myself physically but if I was willing to make the physical and personal sacrifice why wouldn't I also want to be improving my mental training?
This may be the hardest challenge of all for me, but yesterday standing in my kitchen, listening to a great friend tell me she believed in me and demand that I start doing the same for myself as she stood in front of the my fridge peppered with the race numbers (lest I forgot my goals and go for the bag of peanut butter M&Ms buried in the back) I had a moment where I started listening and let this positive voice be the loudest in the crowd.
And it dawned on me, and my mother will read this and say she's been telling me this for years, but I finally said it out loud and it's still hard to write it here: I not only believed the doubters -- I became one of them. If someone said I couldn't do something, I didn't. If someone said I wasn't good enough for something I stopped trying. I even stopped writing at one point because an editor told me I needed better editing, despite the fact that I'm pretty sure that was his job!
Before I completed my first triathlon in 2007, I just quit when things got tough and I believed it when people or even myself told me I wasn't good enough, without even trying! It's taken me 3 years to get to this point, some pretty tough challenges, and even more inspiring and loud cheerleaders in my life -- but I've dug deep and found that spirited little girl again, who despite her chubby thighs and potbelly taught herself to do a roundoff back handspring off the high beam when the coaches said no.
Whether you're thinking about getting off the couch for your first 5k or attempting your first triathlon or just going to a yoga class, whatever the challenge, the monkey on you back, take it from me and my new attitude, do it. Because at the end of the day, it's only you that can let that monkey weigh you down. Or, you can let that monkey be your biggest cheerleader, touting a positive banner bearing a reminder of how far you've come and how far you'll go!
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